worries

Tyler has told me several different times, in a concerned voice, that he doesn't want me to die. Today he told me that he doesn't want to die. (Which is progress, because not that long ago, he told me he wanted to die so he could see God). :)

I don't know if it has anything to do with my Grandpa David dying, but for whatever reason, he is trying to understand this whole living and dying thing. I try to reassure him, realistically (I don't say "you won't die", more like "you're healthy, you'll probably live a long, long time.)"

Last November, I started trying to walk daily because I had noticed an irregular heart beat, and it scared me. I started thinking about how I needed to take better care of myself because I don't want Tyler to have to grow up without a mom. (I needed to do this anyway, and I'm happy to say that my heart rate seems normal again).

When I was young, I remember worrying often about my parents dying. I'm not sure where it came from, other than my seemingly anxious personality - I don't know other kids who thought about that. I don't recall talking about worries about any of us dying, but I wonder if he is picking up on my fears. Maybe I'm just thinking too much about it! (While I'm sitting here, Tyler just came up to me, "Mommy, I love you. I want you to stay alive all day."). :)


Random side note:
This morning, I was on the phone and was trying to quickly explain to Tyler that he couldn't do something. Without really thinking about it, I finished by saying, "I know, you hate me."
He looked down, and in a serious tone said, "well, I like you, but..."
I laughed - I probably need to drop figures of speech. :0)