remembering

Maybe it's the fact that the anniversary of Olive's death was last Saturday, January 22. Maybe it's the fact that yesterday my Parents, Aunt and Cousin all left on a flight to Thailand to visit Lynette and Rusty. (And I was happy to learn that they arrived safely). Maybe it's the fact that I went through the photo book of Olive's life last night.

Whatever the "reason," I've been thinking a lot about Olive's life...from the moment I learned Lynette was in labor with Olive to her funeral.
From the day Olive was born, I found myself at a loss. I worried. I prayed. I called. I wanted to help, but didn't know how. I marveled at pictures of the precious little sweetheart who amazed me with her feisty spirit, day after day. And my heart ached when I heard how many difficult decisions Lynette and Rusty were forced to make along the way.

When we arrived in Indiana for Olive's funeral, I didn't know how to handle bringing a baby in to the space where I knew Rusty and Lynette's hearts were breaking. I couldn't imagine the depth of their pain. In the midst of my fumbling and awkwardness, Lynette and Rusty were loving and forgiving.
I am thankful for Lynette's ability to express herself and share her experience. I'm thankful for the many who have surrounded Lynette and Rusty with love - for those who have had the right words, as I so often fail, and have been there for them in so many ways.

I'm thankful for the love of friends and family near and far. For those who have listened to me too. Who have given hugs and words of love.

I am so happy that Mom, Dad, Anna and Katrina are with Lynette and will soon also be with Rusty. It makes my heart happy.

Olive's Birthday

It's hard to believe a year has already passed since Olive was born. I will never forget that day. I received a phone call from my Mom while I was at work, telling me that Lynette was having her baby. I sobbed and sobbed, filled with worry and anxiously waiting to know more.

Today, I remember her with love. My heart is heavy for Lynette and Rusty.

Olive Bracelets

When I returned from maternity leave, I saw many of my Greiffenstein School family wearing Olive Hope bracelets. I have been touched by this silent sign of their love and support. Though not everyone was at school the day we took this picture, this gives a little glimpse

at some of my caring coworkers. Love you guys!

Coos and love

My little Love changes so much so quickly. I was looking at pictures of her a month ago and it's hard to believe how much she's filled out. She is a great little sleeper. She is usually easy to lay down and sleeps for nice stretches at night. She loves those ceiling fans and squeals with excitement when we turn it on for her. How exciting! ;) She is cooing and seeming to be more aware of our "play" with her all the time, which we all love. Daddy has especially noticed and enjoyed this recent increase in awareness and interaction.

She loves to be sung to and her favorite song seems to be Sweet Sweet Baby, by Michelle Featherstone. She heard that song a lot when we were in Indiana for Olive's funeral. Lynette sang it to her and I loved it, and began singing it to her too. When I start singing it to her, she usually calms down, watches me intently and often lights up with a smile. I feel connected to my sister, Lynette, and her baby, Olive, when we share these little moments.

We miss you, Olive

I am so touched by Lynette and Rusty and how they have walked through this difficult journey. This morning, I woke up with a heavy heart for them...and for Aubrey. For the cousin that she will never know, but I'm sure she will miss and love. This is where I'm at today.



Little Miss Olive Hope,

I’m so proud of you and your Mommy and Daddy. You all fought so hard. And I ache for your Mommy and Daddy. They loved you so much. Your life and your story have affected many, many people, more than any other little baby that I have ever known. I’m sorry that I never got to hold you, give you kisses or love on you like I planned. I planned for you and Aubrey to grow up together, to play together, and take on all these boys in our family together. :) I will tell Aubrey all about you and I know that she will love you too.

I will always love you and miss you.

Love you forever, your Auntie Melody

Pictures from the Week

I am so grateful for our time spent with family and friends while we were in Indiana. Here are some pictures from the past week or two.

Holding Aubrey in our Moby Wrap. I am so glad to have had it for the airport and the day of the burial. Aubrey slept so well in it.

Tyler enjoying cousin time playing Wii with Gabe (and Zion).

Aunt Lynette showing the boys pictures and videos.

Lynette putting the mess makers to work cleaning up. She is so great with them. I think they enjoyed themselves. :)

Rachel and Jillian were able to come for a visit! Rachel and Wayne swapped babies for awhile.

Great Grandma Polly holding Aubrey

Aunt Anna, who helped so much with Olive, and getting the house ready for Olive. And this week, brought food, flowers and love.

My little mouse

Snuggling with Grandma Carol

Tyler and his 2nd cousin Brennan

Uncle Rusty

Today

Olive went home to be with Jesus today

Olive, our little fighter, has gone home to be with Jesus, where there is no more pain for her little body. Our hearts are breaking. Please hold up Lynette and Rusty in your thoughts and prayers. I can't begin to imagine the depth of sorrow they must feel.

This evening, we found Tyler crying alone a few times. He played a "sad" song for Olive on the piano, pausing to wipe his tears and bury his face. Here, in Wichita, lots of tears are being shed for Olive, and her Mommy and Daddy.

Perhaps strangely, after all that Olive has gone through, I didn't realize she could be taken so quickly. They learned there was an infection this morning, and by this evening she was gone.

What a difference you have made in this world, Little One.

Olive's broken shunt

Olive's shunt has broken and she will undergo yet another surgery tomorrow to try to fix it. Lynette posted an update on her blog. Please continue to hold them up in your thoughts and prayers.

Miss Olive

Little Miss Olive and her parents are on my heart and mind. Olive had been having a lot of apnea yesterday, and needing to be resuscitated. Scary stuff. Sounds like today was a better day, as they have made some adjustments to her care.

While there is hope and there have been a lot of positives along this road, I think there is a heaviness about what has happened, is happening and what is to come. Please continue to pray.

Lynette and Mom have both written updates recently.

More pictures of the homecoming

My aunt, Kathy, was also able to greet Lynette, Rusty, and Olive last evening. She posted more pictures on her blog.

Yesterday, she also kept me informed throughout the day of their flight status. During the evening, she was texting me and sending me pictures which I really appreciated!

They are home! :)

Mom updated her blog with pictures and more information about the arrival of Rusty, Lynette and Olive this evening. I'm so happy!

Coming home...

Lynette, Rusty and Olive are preparing to make their flight home! They had resolved that they would be in Thailand for at least a few more months for Olive's shunt surgery and recovery, as they expected an evacuation would be too costly. However, just a few days ago, they learned that it was not only possible, but going to happen...on the 29th!

It all feels a bit surreal, since it has happened so quickly, and since last evacuation was canceled. She has been more stable, can now regulate her body temperature, can suck (which hopefully will help with relieving pressure) and is often off of oxygen. They should be arriving in South Bend tomorrow, the 29th, around 5 pm!!!!

We are praying for safety, comfort, and that it could all go smoothly. Lynette's blog update gave more specific prayer requests...and indicates her excitement about it all. "I have never felt so patriotic in my entire life in my love for home."

I wish I were there to greet them! :)

Olive's CT Scan

Our little cutie. :)

Little Olive

Lynette posted a very encouraging update.
Olive's infection has cleared and she is back to breathing room air. She also had a strong sucking reflex for the first time, so they may be able to begin trying to breastfeed later in the week.

Thanks for all of your prayers, love and support! You all are so amazing!

:( Olive

I realized this morning, that I never posted the latest update from Lynette and Rusty. They received very disappointing news that Olive's infection made it inadvisable for her to fly home to the states yesterday. This was quite a blow. This presents lots of challenges - the flight there for them and their doctor/nurses was arranged, and return tickets for the medical staff had already been purchased. There are also emotional challenges as they remain far away from family and friends, and financially as their insurance either has or soon will run out. So, it has been heavy news...please keep them in your prayers as they wait to see what is next.

The auction

The Auction for little Miss Olive Hope begins today!

http://auctionforolive.blogspot.com

Discouraging

Please read Lynette's blog for the complete update.

Olive has Staphylococcus Aureus, which means she has meningitis. Praying for healing of the infection and that she can stabilize enough for the trip to the states on the 24th.

Infection for Olive

Lynette posted to her blog, which I would encourage you to read.

Olive has developed an infection from the temporary drain and has to be on two IV antibiotics again. The nurses are again having trouble starting an IV on her.

Tomorrow an opthamologist has to assess Olive's eyes again. Sounds like a very uncomfortable procedure. They put metal clips on her eyelids and pull them back - which makes Olive cry. :(

They are still planning to fly to Grand Rapids on November 24th! :)

Eye surgery

Lynette posted about Olive's laser eye surgery. It went well! :)

Government hospital and coming home?

Lynette posted an update on her blog. She reported that the doctors at the government hospital are overworked and after Olive's head circumference had continued to increase for six days, they finally put in another drain this morning (this evening in Thailand). Pray that she does not develop an infection so that they can fly home to the states on Monday, November 23rd!